My time in a Dublin Hospital

Hi Friends,

I had the incredible privilege to travel with South Bend City Church to Ireland for a spiritual pilgrimage led by Telos. We visited beautiful places that brought renewal to our souls and learned about the peace-making journey of Northern Ireland.

The evening before taking the red eye flight to Dublin, my outside cat bit me as I was petting him. It was a play-bite but I ended up with three significant punctures in my left hand.

The flight over was not comfortable. My hand was hot, swollen and throbbing with pain. We landed and arrived at the hotel the morning and I went straight to our room to change my shirt. I quickly noticed three red streaks running up my arm and my lymph nodes were sore and swollen.

I walked to the nearest medical clinic, “Welcome to Dublin,” I thought. The doctor sent me directly to the emergency room. When I arrived at the Benedictine medical center, there were about 25 people waiting and yet, they called me back within a couple of minutes and had an IV in my arm within five minutes. That’s when I became a wee bit nervous.

The doctor had concern about a bacterial infection spreading throughout my body and he indicated it would take some time for the antibiotics to work. “Be patient,” he said. I was very thankful for his care and attentiveness. 

The antibiotics needed time to level out my system and I ended up staying in the hospital for two days. This was not the kind of silence and solitude I was planning to have nor the pilgrimage I thought my soul needed. 

And yet, even with disappointment by my side, God met me there. 

A verse from Luke 1 kept quietly coming to mind, one arm in a sling raised to reduce swelling and the second arm stretched out to better receive the IV drip.

“By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break upon us.” Luke 1:78 NRSV

It was a vulnerable time, a bit scary and sometimes sad. But I sensed an opening up to God. My inability to generate peace and vulnerability opened me up for the tender mercies of God to break upon my soul.

A baby born from on high is vulnerable, tender, and merciful. This story of Jesus was predicted in the last chapter of the Old Testament:

“But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays. And you will frolic like well-fed calves,” Malachi 4:2.

I was lucky to have a window in my corner of the four person room because I’ve heard it said that people with windows in their hospital rooms heal quicker. 

The first night was the longest but then I saw a bright sunrise reflect off the back of the hospital building. Pipes, A/C units and smoky vents never looked more beautiful.

I’ve taken a closer look at Luke 1:78 and a few observations of the original language struck me:  
 

• “Tender mercies of God” or compassion (splanchna) literally means bowels or deep entrails. The compassion of God is deep and meets perfectly with deep things of human souls. My disappointment in being hospitalized during a trip of a lifetime opened me up to greater laments I’ve had the past year and a half. God’s compassion was enough. He is a trip of a lifetime.

• “Dawn” has the idea of springing upward. The image here is a sun rising but the word is also used for a branch or shoot springing upward. The dawn of the morning isn’t about me. It rises on people, communities, and neighbors. I love verse 79 that indicates that the light will reveal a way of peace unto others. The sun rises upon the Dublin hospital, Belfast streets, Derry memorials, and the Rostrevor monastery.

• “Break upon us” implies a visit where one is looked upon in a caring and healing way. Dark nights make attending and compassion more difficult. Visiting with the deep seated emotions of God captures the idea of welcome, hospitality, and closeness. The imperfect tense of this verb communicates the action will be repeated… over and over and over. The story and presence of Christ will rise among us once again. 

The window in my room actually became a kind of mirror at night. The reflection reminded me that it is okay to process, name sadness, and be where I was. But the mirror in the morning would turn back to a window and I will see a grand hope and new mercy that Christ brings.

The sun rose on Dublin fields, castles, and parks. It also rose upon the back of that city hospital. 

The main doctor had to visit me before I could get discharged. Because this was a teaching hospital, he had a nickname: the Professor. A team of young doctors followed him around. He visited me and was hesitant to hang around and answer my questions. I asked anyway. I could tell he wanted to move on to the next patient. He wasn’t like the Person who had also visited me. 

Regardless, he allowed me to be discharged at 6 am the next morning and I was grateful to make the bus to our next leg of the trip to London-Derry. 

That December 3rd morning I left the Dublin hospital as the sun was rising. I walked back to the hotel and frolicked liked a well-fed calf. My group welcomed me back with open arms and a Guinness t-shirt. 

This experience really loosened up my soul and helped me be okay in the midst of darkness or disappointment. I was vulnerable, incapable of healing myself and with arms stretch out could only receive the tender mercies of God. God’s compassion is enough to meet disappointment.

Wendell Berry wrote that the “night got darker and darker then Jesus was born.”

This is Advent. 

The rest of the trip we learned how to be peacemakers, reconcilers to God and others. Derry and Belfast have a painful history that is still catching the sun-rays of God’s healing. I have a lot more to process and unpack. 

For now, I am considering a few questions this Christmas that I offer you.

• What is keeping me from vulnerability and openness to God?

• How might I see the compassion of Christ for what it really is?

• Upon what would I like to see the mercy of God dawn?

• Who in my sphere of life is experiencing a dark night of the soul?

• Where is peace needed this Christmas?

This wasn’t the spiritual pilgrimage that I was expecting but it changed me. The morning I was discharged, before leaving the floor of my room, I turned to look back and noticed above the door of my room was a cross, illuminated by a single light. Thank you Jesus.
 

May the tender mercy of our God dawn on you from on high and may the sun break upon you as well.

Merry Christmas, friends.

John 

P.S. I’m grateful at your many end of year gifts. 

If you would like to give you can at:

www.gracegreensboro.org/donate

Grace Discipleship, P.O. Box 4501 Greensboro, NC 27404

the practice of staying in one Scripture text

In early July I sat one morning with my coffee, candle lit and Bible open to Jesus’ first miracle. It was a typical devotional time but then a realization struck me: My soul needed something more.

Normally I read to be informed, but that morning I sensed a need for deep replenishment and transformation of my soul.

I also sensed the Holy Spirit inviting me to stay in that text (John 2:1-12) for a while. So for the next 35 mornings I read the same story over and over again. 

To stay in one Scripture text challenged me to live out Jesus’ words: "Make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you” (John 15:7 MSG). Staying put slowed my reading pace and sowed within me a real sense of God’s presence from the text.

Monotony was actually homey. 

Emily frequently stays at the Spiritual Life Retreat center in Wichita, Kansas. I visited the center a few years ago and my first impression was its unique entry. As you walk up to the doors, you are welcomed by life-sized statues that recreate the wedding scene of Jesus first miracle.

Walking into the retreat center was like walking with the disciples into the story.

Staying at the retreat center for a few days provided us the opportunity to look at art/icons, read books, walk the grounds, and sit quietly in the chapel. We attended sessions of great teachers and talked with others about what we were learning.

Metaphorically, to stay in one text is to look around, look up words in the original language, read commentaries, meditate and gaze at the scene from different perspectives.

I’ve realized that slow and repetitive reading creates space to rest in the presence of Father, Son, and Spirit who’ve made their home in us (John 14:23). Both this passage and the John 15 passage bring the word “rest” to mind. Rest in knowing that God is real and the Spirit is speaking. 

To rest in a one text is to eventually see with the eyes of your heart (Eph. 1:18).

It took my 10 days to really see (real eyes) that Jesus’ first miracle was a portrayal of his last miracle.

I remember the morning when I started reading “and on the third day.” Why is that detail there? Wait, the third day?! Is John pointing to the resurrection? 

Then I read Jesus’ response to his mother’s plea for action. “It is not my hour.” When Jesus was about to enter the way of the cross he said “my hour has come” (John 16:32; 17:1).

This is a resurrection miracle, one that has provided the lift and love that my soul has longed for these past months.

When wine ran out at a first century Jewish wedding banquet, the party was over. If this happens prematurely it can be embarrassing to the host.

We all know the feeling when something runs out: time, resources, money, kindness, patience, predictability, stability or hope. But Jesus is drawn toward emptiness, toward deathliness. 

Karl Barth once said that “resurrection happens only in graveyards” and I would say that fullness happens only in emptiness. Seeing and naming the emptiness as his mother did was the prerequisite to filling the ceremonial jars to the brim. 

Slowly reading one text and meditating on it for days brought transformation to my inner life. Reading quickly tends to bolster the intellect which isn’t a bad thing but can cause you to miss a thing. 

But a slower reading has helped me fully receive and embrace the reality of what Jesus offers: fullness of Life. It keeps my cup still for God’s out pouring.

Water to wine is a picture of apprenticeship to the One who has risen from the dead. Jesus, the living Word, who has risen me with him (Romans 6:1-2), is a reality that I need to sit with for a few extra days.

To meditate on Scripture in this way is like swirling fine wine in a glass and letting the sweet aromas release before taking a sip. 

An intentional aspect of staying in a single text is believing that the Spirit would provide one idea or image to take with me that day. For example, one morning I was struck that many people didn’t know where the new wine came from… but the servants knew.

Those who did the humble work to serve others participated in the miracle. They had water splash on their hands one moment, then wine the next. 

So I took that phrase with me and it gave the Holy Spirit language to encourage my heart through my ordinary day. It was a handle to carry with me. 

When we left the retreat center, we walked back out through the story portrayed on the walkway. Jesus walked with us. The life-sized statues gave me a sense of the life-sized Presence that goes with us. When the disciples and the mother of Jesus left the wedding, Jesus left with them. They took their “belief” out with them (v.11-12).

The Holy Spirit walks out with us out into this world stricken by emptiness. Larry Crabb once said, “we can then follow Jesus into the lives of other people.” There is nothing fast-paced about this calling.

I believe it was St. John of the Cross who once said, “Jesus never walks by a broken, empty soul without stopping.” As we walk out into the world, united to God by the Spirit, we too can stop at empty hearts, listen, engage and request Jesus to act on their behalf. 

The kind of work of Grace Discipleship is ultimately what Dr. Crabb meant. I am stepping out in belief that Jesus is still transforming water to wine, pain to joy, and hardness of heart to tenderness. We all have the wedding invitation to humbly join in the miracle of transformation. 

The servants knew!

So may we take our time in one text. May we restfully read it again and again swirling the wine in the glass. May we notice the resurrection life proceeding from death, and drink in the joyous presence of Father, Son and Spirit. 

Amen and Cheers!

John P. Freeman

Heavy Swings of the Soul

Hi Friends,

When our kids were young we made regular visits to the Greensboro Science Center to see animals and explore their scientific exhibits. The entry point was at the top of a spiral staircase that led down to the first wing of the center.

As you walked down the steps you would notice a huge pendulum swing back and forth... less swinging up top and more swinging was not he bottom.  It hung by a strong cord or rope from the ceiling to the floor where the staircase led you. 

The pendulum would constantly swing knocking over little pegs. The heavy swings were consistent and inevitable. 

Last month I spent some prayerful time recent journal entries and saw my soul having resemblance to a pendulum swinging from side to side. These heavy swings of the soul I noticed were for various reasons: grieving a loss, an unmade decision, discerning a view point or just living with good and bad circumstances. Sometimes these heavy swings felt like motion-sickness of the soul. 

As I prayed and reflected on what I was noticing the question popped into my mind, what if I ran the eyes of my heart up the pendulum rope? What if I focused on that hidden anchor point with God where there’s less movement and more security? I slowly reflected on these questions and then Colossians 3 came to my attention.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:1-3

Regardless of where I land with a decision, life circumstance or viewpoint… my life is held together by Christ (Col. 1:17) and my identity is hidden in God (Col. 3:3; John 14:23). This is head knowledge and heart knowledge, information and transformation.  Our spirit is fixed or attached to God’s Spirit!

During one of those reflection times, I was sitting on our back patio and the sun nearing the horizon so I snapped a picture. A few minutes later I looked at the picture and noticed how the camera picked up a sunbeam stretching from the sun to my journal (see below). I ran my eyes up that sunbeam (pendulum rope) and smiled at God speaking to me through this metaphor. "Be a fixed point with me John no matter how the pendulum swings."

We share this communal ability to set our minds on things above. Colossians 3 is written to a people not just a person. I hope these words encourage all us to run our eyes up the pendulum rope even in the midst of these heavy swings.

Heavy swings of the soul video from Instagram

Much love,

John 
www.gracegreensboro.org

The Face of Compassion

The Face of Compassion

I’m posting micro-sermons on Instagram these days. These are 2 minute talks that make God’s presence and truth accessible in ordinary life. Here is a post on the Jesus’s Face of Compassion.

shared joy is double joy, shared sorrow is double sorrow

Happy June! 

I just noticed that my last newsletter was also on the topic of joy so... here's part two. My hope with these newsletters is for me to be an open book and inspire a deeper journey with God. 

A quote has been sticking with me and felt life-giving to pass it on to you.

“Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half sorrow.” - John B. Hayes

When someone shares a joy with others, it doubles the joyful experience. When a person laughs, others chuckle. When a person shares a sorrow, it feels a little lighter in that moment. When tears are witnessed often a tear wells up. I believe this concept is true for all humans. 

The quote has come alongside of my study of the Trinity in the Gospel of John, chapters 13-17. In chapter 15, Jesus teaches about abiding in his words, in his love and in his very being. Then all of a sudden, Jesus said this about joy:

“These things I have spoken to you that My joy may be in you and your joy may be full.” John 15:11 

That word "full" gets me every time. The greek root is the origin of our english word “plethora.” Divine joy overflows and doubles when shared with others. 

Father, Son and Spirit are the headwaters of joy for all humanity. "Shared joy is double joy" exemplifies a true concept of the joy of Jesus in us. 

I have seen this quote revealed in so many contexts of relating: retreats, marriage, spiritual friendship, parenting, vacationing or relating at church. For me today, I think it fits well with talking with people different than me.

I heard this quote in a podcast episode  aimed at providing wisdom for interactions with people that have opposing theological views. Regardless of differences, the podcast points to joy as a powerful connector.

The host referenced a previous episode (interview starts halfway through) where neurotheologian, Dr. Jim Wilder was interviewed and claimed that humans connect through two simple ways: eating together and sharing joy.

Dr. Wilder draws evidence from his study of theology and the human brain. He wrote a book called The Other Half of Church and actually spoke in Greensboro a few months ago. 

I'm challenged to carry out this Trinitarian quote as I interact with people who may have opposing theological, social or political views. And, how powerful would it be to hear a sorrow shared, cut the burden in half and be with that person who is different from me!?

"Shared Joy is double joy, shared sorrow is half sorrow." May it be so.

Thanks for reading today. I'll end with a stanza from an old Quaker hymn: 
“O Joy that seeks me through pain; I cannot close my heart to thee. I trace the rainbow through the rain; and feel the promise is not vain; that morn shall tearless be.”

Love,
John

Joy, Tears and Dallas Willard

I don’t cry often. When my tears fall, I take my wife's advice and pay attention to these tiny messengers. This past Monday was a typical day until I randomly watched a Dallas Willard video clip. The topic was joy. 

The four-minute video was a Dallas Willard being interviewed by John Ortberg. The conversation explored God being joyous and how we might daily interact with this reality (here's the full thirty-minute interview.)

Toward the end of the short clip, Dallas said plainly that joy was consistent with sorrow. He was a brilliant mind and these snippets are great content for the intellectual mind AND as it turns out, a tender invitation for my heart. 

At the time of the interview, Dallas was undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer which would months later take his physical life. It was towards the end of the video where Dallas wraps up with a profound descriptions of joy when one might transition from this world to the next. His voice cracked and tears welled up for him… and tears welled up for me.

Why did such emotion rise up for me on this ordinary Monday?Why do I long for such joy of the Father, Son and Spirit?

My answer: I’m not 100% sure.

It could be that I’m turning 50 this summer and I'm sentimental about what really matters.

Maybe the condition of the world and its brokenness was profoundly confronted by this idea that"God is joyful and everything will be okay under his reign."

The tears could've been a small grief for missing one of my favorite literary mentors. Dallas' books have deeply impacted me over the years. He was passionate about reinvigorating the true meaning of discipleship. 

I am in such a special position to listen, teach and mentor people in Greensboro and beyond. The tears may have flowed because my pain can be transformed into a gift of presence to others. 

All of that to say, my tearful response to Dallas was a combination of these things.  Regardless, my heart is becoming more tender and full in believing that:

“Joy is consistent with sorrow because it is a realization with what is really going on in the world at large under God.” 

On Monday night I shared with Emily about watching the video and shedding the tears. She turned and said to me, "Did you know that today marks 10 years since Dallas died?!"

What?! I was shocked. So many people were also remembering Dallas that day.

Emily said to me, "Sometimes we know what we don't know." It was like the Spirit just wanted me to join others to remember a great man of God and take a small step of transformation. 

Outwardly, it was an ordinary Monday but inwardly I was surprised by encouragement.

Thank you for reading.
Much love, 

John F.

P.S. Dallas Willard has truly formed my view of discipleship and I have a few of his books on myrecommended reading list.

TheGreat Omissionis perhaps his most poignant book on discipleship. 

5 Ways Mike (Mic) Moses Sr. Impacted My Life and Ministry

On this last day of January, I wanted to share with a reflection of how Mike (Mic) Moses Sr. impacted my life. Earlier this month I co-led his memorial service and know for a fact that Mike would've loved this time with friends and family.  

There are five distinct ways that Mike influenced my life and ministry:

1. Mike encouraged getting people out of the cities, busy-ness and outside among God’s creation. Mike loved the woods and would take people to his small house up in the foothills of NC. I share this desire and we too have a house in the foothills that we plan to use for retreat. :)

2. Christ as Life emerges in real ways through our brokenness (Gal. 2:20; Col. 3:1-4). Mike would kindly remind me that I didn't have to control life. Instead, I could watch for how Christ could reveal Life through weakness.

3. To love a person is to listen really well. Mike was a patient listener and never jumped to solutions too quickly.

4. You don’t always have to know what you’re doing as long as you believe God is in it.

5. "Laughter is close to the grace of God" -Karl Barth. Mike had the joy of the Lord in him and loved sharing joy with others. His laugh reminded me of his humor and commitment to keep things light. 

Points 4 and 5 are wrapped up in a story I shared at Mike's memorial service.

In December 2014 and after 8 months of prayer and discernment, we decided to transfer Grace Discipleship from Mike's name to mine. The next step was to call the IRS and see if the non-profit, which had been dormant, was able to be re-activated.

So we got on the phone together with the IRS. This was something I wasn't looking forward to because there were so many unknowns. Mike reminded me: "You don’t always have to know what you’re doing as long as you believe God is in it."

An IRS agent picked up and she was very nice and ultimately said, "Yes, the non-profit can still be used and yes, it is easy to change the new director to be Mr. Freeman!"  

Right before hanging up Mike said to her, "You've been so helpful, tell me your name..." She said, "My name is Angel!" Mike said, "Of course it is!!" After hanging up, we both belted out with holy laughter. 

I won't ever forget that phone conversation and in some ways I sense an invitation to keep laughing and trusting that "God is in it" and we can be joy-filled. Thank you Mike for teaching me this way of living.

Mike has two wonderful sons and it was a great joy to reconnect with them at the service. Mike Jr. is the pastor at Lakeforest Church in Huntersville, NC and Matt runs an adventure sport & resort company in the mountains of NC. They're such great men and both reflect the love, wisdom and kindness of their dad.  

Thanks for reading! I plan to share more plans for Grace Discipleship in 2023 which will reflect Mike's legacy.

Thank you for your support and prayers!

Love,

John Freeman

Remembering Mike (Mic) Moses Sr.

Our dear friend Mike Moses passed from this world to the next. He was a man of God and taught so many who they were in Christ. He was the most humble man I’ve ever met. More than anything else, Mike helped me understand brokenness as the way of experiencing Christ as Life.

Here’s a great summary of his life written by his family.

No Shame November: Helping a friend through shame

I hope your Thanksgiving weekend has been a rich time with family and friends.

This month I'm posting short videos on Instagram to suggest that we can live our regular lives with no shame. It's been shocking to see how many people have viewed these reels.

I've recalled how prevalent shame is in our day-to-day culture and wrote out thoughts on how I would guide people helping people move through shame. So I've written down some thoughts here for you today.  

This guidance offers steps to have holy conversations in order to replace shame with joy. 

Shame is a deep sense that "I am not enough" and connects a soul to a narrative of insecurity. In the garden, Adam and Eve experienced their nakedness and immediately hid. To this day, shame still has us ducking, diving and hiding behind bushes. 

These bushes could be anything from good performance, image, materialism to anything that covers our perceived flawed self.

Because shame strikes us at our core and it is a powerful emotion. The soul care provider must be empathetic and allow vulnerability. Each conversation patiently builds on the other to uncover a path towards joy. 

Follow-up is important because shame pushes people back into hiding especially if they were vulnerable. If shame promotes isolation and secrecy then our presence must be safe and nonjudgmental. Okay, let's jump in!

Holy Conversation #1 
Listen well, hold space for all the feelings

• Ask questions without judgement, try not to offer advice or fix. Attempting to correct early will hinder vulnerability. Validate before you evaluate.

• See their soul as a bucket wanting to empty out their thoughts and emotions. Shame hates this because vulnerability and empathy are its biggest enemies.

• Try not to be distracted or look at your phone.

• As they share about shame and get their emotions out, distance is created between them and the struggle. As distance is created, they can begin to see the shame narrative for what it is. When you feel shame acutely, with no distance it's hard to evaluate the source.

• Emphasize what they shared was sacred and important. Thank them for their honesty. Say, "it is an honor to witness what you are going through."

• Simply offer them an opportunity to chat about the next phase which is "personifying shame."

"If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive."-Dr. Brene Brown

Holy Conversation #2
Personify shame and name its unique influence

• Shame is like a little person who walks around with you to point out everything wrong about you. Give that little person a name. Know its personality, background and how they talk to you. I found Curt Thompson's book, The Soul of Shame helpful in personifying shame.

• Be skilled at identifying shame's voice. Ask questions like: When does it speak the loudest? What is a word of phrase it uses most frequently? Take inventory of its messaging in a given day. What are your unique ways that shame pushes you into hiding? Again, personifying shame creates space for the person to distance themselves enough to be able to identify its influence. Shame wants to be undetected and sound like your own voice that it cannot be recognized.

• Reflecting on the voices of the Serpent in Genesis 3 and Pharaoh in Exodus 3 could be helpful. In the next conversation you will discern God's response to these voices.

"If we do not understand our history of how shame has come to be our partner in life, we are, as George Santayana reflected, condemned to repeat it" Dr. Curt Thompson, The Soul of Shame p. 98.

Holy Conversation # 3 
Put the loving Presence of God up against shame personified

• Helping doesn't always translate into a "fix" but more importantly becomes "fixing" your eyes on Jesus. Once feelings are validated and shame is evaluated then we can consider God's response.

• Ask questions that point towards an encounter with God. Consider what God is saying? What is God's real response to the shame narrative you've lived from?

• Discern together how the hiding bush of shame is becomes the burning bush of God's presence. Moses claimed that he wasn't enough and God's response is I AM. "Take off your shoes this is holy ground."

• Prayerfully listen together. Allow time and some silence to let the Spirit confront the shame that has been named.

• Hopefully you've earned the right to speak. Recap by telling the story of God's response to shame. Reflect on the cross of Christ and the freedom we have from shame. Affirm your friend that the reality of the God's response and embrace can be a daily experience.

• Scripture mediation has been a very helpful practice in my own journey with shame.

The Trinity and Scripture Meditation

I've found it helpful to study the doctrine of the Trinity and meditate on Scriptures relating to Father, Son and Spirit (below).RealizingGod's trinitarian response to shame has truly transformed my mind, emotions and will. Dr. Curt Thompson emphasizes this idea below.

"In the Trinity we see something that we must pay attention to: God does not leave. The loving relationship shared between Father, Son and Spirit is the ground on which all other models of life and creativity rest. In this relationship of constant self-giving, vulnerable and joyful love, shame has no oxygen to breathe. The ever-present movement of this three-part, shared relationship toward one another - working with one another, trusting one another, delighting in one another - provides the basis for why God created the world in vulnerability, and then made himself vulnerable in coming to it in Jesus. This imaged trinitarian relationship is where all healing begins for followers of Jesus (Soul of Shame page 125)."

Our life in hidden with Christ in God is a reality to be experienced! Meditating on these passages has helped me internalize God's love and bring it into my everyday life.

John 13-17
Hebrews 11-12
Colossians 2-3
Romans 6

I hope this help you and your conversations with your struggling friend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

John

What is Spiritual Direction by Emily Freeman

I really love my wife Emily’s definition of Spiritual Direction and explanation of this ancient practice.

She writes, “If you're unfamiliar with the practice, spiritual direction is a counter-cultural practice of co-listening for anyone who wants to deepen their awareness of and relationship with God. 

It allows space for curiosity, discovery, and held silence. It’s a space where both people submit to the movement of God and where one person listens without an agenda.

In its purest form, I believe spiritual direction is our human way of making up for what has been lost.

I believe these listening relationships are what we’re actually meant to do for each other but it has become a lost art, even in well-meaning and healthy faith communities.”

You can learn more here:

167: Spiritual Direction for Beginners

178: How to Find A Spiritual Director

Guest on Alan Fadling's Unhurried Leader Podcast

I’m a guest on this episode of Alan Fadling’s Unhurried Leader podcast. Alan helps us all lean into the genius of a unhurried life with Jesus.

Imagine.

Imagine.

Do you ever have trouble sleeping?

Sometimes when I lay down at night, I get all the pillows arranged just right, and I’m completely comfortable, but there’s something stirring, grinding in my soul that keeps me unsettled. I awake with worry and just can’t quite close my eyes again. What is that?

I recently woke up about 3am to chaotic waters in my mind washing over me like waves, and I didn’t know what to do. A big day was coming up, and I started to feel a bit despairing. But even though I was half-asleep, I began to imagine Jesus walking into my room. Just an image. I don’t know exactly what happened, but the next thing I knew, it was morning.

Was it make-believe, or was I giving shape to something real? 

Like Jesus asleep in the boat during the storm, he rose to quiet the waters of my mind…and I fell asleep. There is evidence that Psalm 77 was written in the middle of the night by someone troubled with an anxious heart. Listen to his lament…

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted. I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.

Lying there sleepless on his bed, the psalmist begins to journal his innermost thoughts. He pulls out the cry of his heart and writes it on the page. This is important because the act of writing our thoughts down begins to separate us from the worry just a bit. That small distance gives us the chance to reframe our story. Do you know your story of worry?

Years ago when I would walk into a youth gathering, I’d cross the threshold of the building and immediately feel pain in my lower back. Two hundred kids walk into the room, and I immediately feel the burden of all their drama. I feel responsible. I feel the need to control things, even though I have a ridiculously small amount of control over anything. This has been part of my story of worry, but I’m learning that I don’t need to carry the weight of every relational outcome. 

That’s starting to shift for me. And midday through his journaling, something shifts for the psalmist: In the face of his inner groanings, he begins to remember. To “re-member,” to reconnect in his imagination with the history and character of God.

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds…. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.

To remember is to call to mind, to pull things up on the screen of your imagination. To meditate is to growl and gnaw on a bone like a dog. Worry is a dysfunctional meditation! We entertain scary scenarios instead of calling to mind what is true. Imagination is a God-given superpower for re-training our minds in what is good and beautiful. A gift for redirecting our self-talk. 

The psalmist uses his imagination to right-size his image of God, to see God’s power and strength, which he likens to the thunder and lightning that would storm over the Sea of Galilee, shaking the very earth. The bigness of God became his comfort and protection, even though his “footprints were not seen.” God’s presence wasn’t visible to the eye, but it was clear as day in his imagination.

Through his nighttime journaling, the psalmist’s thinking was re-storied. The story in his head changed dramatically. And guess what happened? Look at the last verse…

You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

A lot of scholars comment on the awkwardness of this final sentence. It’s as if he starts a whole new train of thought, only to cut off in the middle. The abrupt ending leads these scholars to believe that (you guessed it), the author fell asleep! Yes, he fell asleep with the pen in his hand.

Wow. The troubled thoughts that had him so riled up, so worried and anxious, were transformed as he brought to mind the reality of God’s goodness and might. What God had done in the past, and would do again in the future, took tangible shape in the creative space of his soul. The very worry that had highjacked his imagination was re-storied into something real and true…and lost the power to control him. With faith and peace restored, he fell asleep.

And this is our formational invitation too, whether in the nighttime or the daytime, to let our imagination be harnessed by the Spirit instead of hijacked by anxiety. For the glory of God and the good of our souls.

when spiritual landmarks are torn down

I've been struck by the disturbing images from the war in Ukraine. The scenes of buildings falling to the ground and people falling to their knees have stirred the world up. Lord, have mercy.

Seeing homes, familiar places or historic landmarks falling to the ground carries a powerful image of loss. The landscape reflects the hearts that have fallen broken to the ground. 

In a very different way, I've notice our town's landscape is changing. Being a native of Greensboro, I've seen buildings come and go. 

I passed by Women's Hospital recently and noticed it's being torn down. All three of our kids entered our world there. It was strange to see it demoed. 

The Ballinger farm house also was torn down in recent months. That historic home stood proud at one of the oldest intersections in Greensboro. Revolutionary soldiers are thought to have been buried on the property.

I grew up driving by that old white house with the red roof and pretended I lived there. When I noticed it's absence the other day it was kind of sad. 

What about when familiar, spiritual landmarks are torn down? 
Examples of this could be:

- christian institutions not being what you had hoped
- famous christian influencers being caught up in scandal 
- the church being so divided over politics & theology
- christians being slow to listen and quick to judge  

As these divided houses fall to the ground, how do we move on?
I can only answer for myself.

1- Dive deep into the Gospels.  Meditate on the words of Jesus and let your imagination be re-storied. 

 2- Grieve well. It is sad to see spiritual structures come to to the ground. God is drawn to our disappointments and griefs big or small.

3- Process your journey with trusted friends. Our spiritual communities need to hold space for honest conversations. Stop the car, pull up on the site and talk about what once stood there for you. 

Jesus is drawn to broken hearted. He transforms death into life.
He said, “tear down this temple and I will raise it up in three days (Mk. 14:58).” That must’ve been a confusing comment to hear.  

So even though I’m sad with all the demolition, the next step is to be watchful for new life. 

I’m talking about the landscape of Greensboro and the landscape of our soul. Brokenness isn't generally wasted by God. Dallas Willard’s encouragement is spot on here, “God’s home address is at the end of your rope.”

I live in Greensboro but God lives at my brokenness.  Christ’s name is on the mailbox in front of yours and my deconstructed soul.
Be watchful for new life. Christ is rebuilding. 

These are incredibles truths that we can experience today and within our spiritual communities.  The  season of Lent is upon us and here's a few questions to consider as you approach Ash Wednesday:

What has broken down or burned up in your life in recent years? What do you imagine God reconstructing in your life? How might hope be reframed?

Love,
John
www.gracegreensboro.org

What I do in the morning.

Here is a video from a while back describing my morning routine of prayer and reading. Everyone has their own way of waking up to God and the day. I’m still on the journey to discover my unique way of connecting with God and hoping to develop more rhythms for the afternoon and evening. I’d love to hear what your practices are. Peace, John

A Table of Loss

Hi Friends,

I made this short video for the heart that needs a word of preparation for Thanksgiving. A phrase came out of this that surprised me: Jesus sits with us at “a table of loss.” This phrase jumped out at me and a few others who watched the video.

Love,

John

The Vining Center

Jerome lives up in the Boone area and just started a non-profit with his wife Kellie. The Vining Center is a spiritual formation work to grow the soul and serve the world. The name is based on Jesus’ imagery of the vine and branches in John 15:5.

Here’s their 4 minute video telling more of the story. 

Jerome and Kellie will be hosting their work in the high country alongside some occasional gatherings in Greensboro. They do a great job posting their gatherings and online offerings at viningcenter.org. 

The Daley’s have been such a support to me over the years. I trust them and the wisdom they offer to people.

In recent days, Jerome has been a particularly special presence in my life. He has this sacred way of listening both to me and to God on my behalf. Our conversations always seem to invite me into the company of Christ. 

I can’t wait to see the fruit of the Vining Center. Let me know if this sparks interest in you or if you’d like to go for a walk in the woods and talk about God :).

caring for the soul of young people during covid

I made this video with young people in mind. 2020 is a hard year for teens. The title is Divine Joy Isn’t Found In Winning.

https://youtu.be/Zya_RpDMqEA