Parenting without Fear pt. 1

Parenting Without Fear pt. 1 - Hope Chapel Greensboro

THE MAN BORN BLIND PARENT TALK (Jn. 9) Certain fears that fly under the radar of the parent’s soul.  It’s hard to discern thoughts that God  does not want you to carry. Why that is? I think part of it over-responsibility. It is my job to protect, lead and provide. Which is true… we are to have healthy concern and intentionally act out of that concern. Often we react out of fear. What’s the difference?! We will discuss this. Another reason certain fears fly under the radar is because of our life-style. We are so busy we allow ourselves to open to all kinds of fearful thoughts and angst. This effects how we relate and parent.  Gary Thomas the author of Sacred Parenting even said: “our fears can wound our kids.” Ultimately our freedom from fear is for the sake of our kids (young and old). Our freedom is for the sake of others.  My soul has been hurried lately and the other night I left my sunroof open over night. I remember standing at the door observing the might rain fall that night and thought - man, we need the rain. Water got into the seatbelt clicker and shorted it out. It is constantly dinging at me and is malfunctioning. What we open ourselves up to impacts how we function. See the fearful thoughts we have remained open to, name them and become closed off to them. One theme for our time together here: How do we discern between healthy concern and Godless fear. We need community and conversations for this. Interaction and listening. We need truth. God really change how we live (mind) be transformed by the renewing of your mind. We need practical ways to walk with a steadfast mind. A suggested video or reading.  Fear has been a unique journey for me with a past of being a youth pastor - I’ve observed a lot, seen alot. So in my mind I “see” what could come my kids way and sometimes I really suffer. AVA dropped her mouth piece last night and was afraid she would be embarrassed and was about to help her find it in front of her friends :) Experts say 85% of the things we worry about don’t ever happen. Mark Twain said “I have suffered very many things in my life. Most of them never happened.”  Many years ago a mother approached me before leaving on a 8th grade trip to the mountains. She said to me something no youth pastor wants to here… my son isn’t going to go on the trip… last night I had a dream that your van went off a cliff and can’t let him go… but y’all have a great trip… :) she said as I thought - if we don’t drive off the mountain. It’s crazy how fear gripped that mom but honestly as my kids have gotten older, I kind of relate to her.  I don’t blame her in my place of co-fearing. Maybe her crazy son would’ve caused an accident :) We will never know.  Like I said… I (we) can see where paths can go. Sometimes that short circuits the way I relate. 

Being consumed with “What if” thoughts is our dominant theme tonight. What follows that short phrase in our mind generally is a visual thought. (saw a van flying off the road). My imagination was hi jacked and with my visual thoughts were taken to unhelpful and hurtful places. I react because I am see something that has happened. Use of imagination isn’t always child play, artistry or day dreaming… reason why God gave us an imagination and it isn’t to worry. That is a distorted imagination not a sanctified one according to AW Tozer. Christ says, do not worry about what is to come. Worry about today. That has helped me discern between healthy concern and godless fear.  Jesus doesn’t want us to be stifled by anxious imaginings. He doesn’t want that because that shapes us and the person we are becoming and it impacts how we relate.  There is a wide-variety of parenting opinions, strategies that work, they run the gamut but what I have share with you is that fear messes up how you execute these parenting methods. Example: “hey man jump on your homework ok?” vs. “look buddy you are going to fail out of school, you won’t get a good paying job unless you get on your homework” (it’s on my face as I say it). I wear fear on my face.  “Younger kids are great recorders of information but terrible interpreters of information” (Tom Grady). Once again, our fears can wound them. 

Consider these three things as we enter our text: Notice the “what if” thoughts - how powerful fear is. Look at the anxious imagination. How can we discern between healthy concern and fearful reacting?

SCRIPTURE STUDY: John 9:1-41 Consider the perspectives of the young man, parents and Pharisees as we go through this passage. Pay attention to fear’s role and let’s see together the glorious work of Christ revealed. Pay attention to what might be some “what if “thoughts of the people in the story. Tell the story but some sections I want to read (familiar story)…

1- Read v. 3-5 “So that God’s work could be seen in him” - the whole thing right there “Work during the day, night is coming yet I am the light (sight theme).
2- Tell story of healing on the Sabbath - couldn’t help someone unless it was life threatening. You could not pour cold water over a cut or broken bone on the Sabbath. Jesus is breaking the rules of controlling - fear based system of religious rule. “Spit or spittle of a distinguished person was believed to possess certain curative qualities.” W. Barclay Effort is involved walking down to the pool and washing his eyes out, breaking the sabbath - co-rebelling against fear! 3- Read v. 7 again, effort (walking and washing) was involved for the miracle - participation yet Christ did it. Also breaking the rules of the Sabbath - co-rebel against fear. 4- Tell the story of people talking and being curious in v. 8-12 pretty straightforward. It was a clear vision of what Jesus did. It is interesting how simple it is to tell the story of what Jesus has done (pure evangelism) . This is how Jesus influenced the world. The whole point is so that Jesus is in view and a reality. He is who He says He is!  5- Read v. 20-23 “Ask him! He’s grown up. He can speak for himself.” v. 21  Great parenting move, ownership and offering space for their child to be responsible. Right? Look closely at the important details of John describing how fear ruled the parents (“what if…”) and caused them to dodge an outcome and sell out.  Fear imagined… them being escorted out, banned from the local leadership and failures in the sight of “God.” (Cf with John 12:42-43) Fear-based parenting and then we began to see see fear-based leadership with the next few verses. In both cases fear is blinding! 6- Read v. 24-25  “Give God the glory”: intimidation- control mechanism based on Joshua 7:19 (Joshua to Achan) “They (Pharisees) demanded that he forswear himself, and join with them in some formal statement which was a desperate and blasphemous effort of intimidation.” John Barclay  Excommunication was a powerful weapon (2 types) banned for life and temporarily (Ezra 10:8; Luke 6:22; John 16:2; John 12:42). They used intimidation and fear tactics to control the religious and social life of the people. The point here: fear impacts how we relate (control and manipulation flow from a blinded fear) 7- Tell the story v. 26-33 conversation of young man and Pharisees. The young man didn’t back down. He was acquainted with lowly status. In some ways he had nothing to lose because he hand nothing in the first place. He was a co-rebel to fear. He acted against the fear-based system that his parents blindly bought in to.  The worst thing happened in that culture. He was thrown out of the synagogue (v. 34). This prompted Jesus to find him. It is interesting to note how Jesus was drawn to the outcast, ill, weak and lowly.  The young man was blinded to fear because his eyes were open to God (and his creation). He was a rebel to fear and a follower of Christ.  8 - Read v. 35-38 found in the temple God draws near to the broken hearted. He went and looked for the young man. He saw things for what they are.  When Jesus is right in front of you everything else that comes your way looks different. Physical sight intact. Spiritual sight intact.  Psalm 16:9 reference: keep Christ in front of you. “In fact, it’s the person who’s talking to you.” v. 37; reference when Jesus was arrested, “I am he” and the soldiers knees buckled.  “The Jews cast him out of the temple; the Lord of the Temple found him.” 347 by St John Christostome What is worship? Seeing Jesus. Believing and being with him. It is retrieving the memory of what God did through him and his blindness (back to beginning) - He shared that story the rest of his life. RECALLED IT IN HIS VISUAL MIND!  Remembering throughout Scripture is a powerful theme and we are called to lead our kids through remembering what Christ has done and the covenant we have with him. 9- Tell the story of v. 39-41 Jesus came for those who are blind to see - but those that think they can see are actually blind. 

Spiritual Vision: dealing with the what if thoughts 

What were the set of thoughts and mental pictures for the parents? Mind’s eye? The what-ifs of the parents and the Pharisees? Picture them - what do you see? Look closely at the: What if of the Pharisees; What if of the Parents; What is of the young man. If we use the imagination to picture fear why can’t we use it to picture theological realities? Use it well!  Kevin Vanhoozer (book on CS Lewis): “Contrast the satanic what if with the Pauline what is. Theology’s task is to say what is in Christ, and it needs the imagination to do so. Paul is not playing make-believe when he says he has been crucified with Christ. He does not say, “It is as if Christ lives in me.” That would be a case of bad pretending and gets us no further than pious fiction. No, Paul says what is in Christ. It requires faith, and imagination, to see it, however, because being in Christ is not evident to the senses. Lewis had the unique gift of writing about what if in order to give us a taste of what was, is, and will be “in Christ.” To be in Christ is to live and move and have our being in a new sphere, “transplanted into a new soil and a new climate, and both soil and climate are Christ” (James S. Stewart, A Man in Christ: The Vital Elements of St. Paul’s Religion [1975], 157)”

MAIN POINTS FROM THE PASSAGE: 1 Discern your unique “what ifs” Unnamed fears move on with our soul with great power. “spirit” of fear - wind blowing pushes you. Discern your triggers (takes effort). Spins you out with emotion. Triggers lead to feelings which creates ruts in your brain.  Pay attention to where your mind goes and how your kids respond to you. Unnamed fears can be blinding. Pharisees couldn’t see Jesus, Parents were also blinded to who he is. 2 Be a rebel to fear - Jesus stands with you. You can face fear and Him simultaneously. Notice when you give in to it - how it impacts your kids. Mad against its system and trickery.  “In order to cast out anxiety in our children, we must first cast it out in ourselves…. We must commit to managing our anxiety in order to protect our connections.” – Danny Silk One parent said it this way - the “importance of connection before correction.” The once blind man casted the pharisees out :). 3 Let Jesus find you - slow down your life. Mental Pictures slow you down (Aaron Stewart) - take pictures with you from your Scripture study.  “Prayer is Jesus walking right up to you and listening to you” (Dallas Willard).  This image has helped me so much to pray through my days, fears and life. 4 See him in your holy imagination (that’s weird) - worry is a form of meditation  My friend Fred May talks about using your imagination to meditate on Scripture can rewire your brain. That’s weird… Why does worry get access to your imagination and not the word of God? Carry with you images… “what was, is, and will be “in Christ” - replace what if with what is!

QUESTIONS:  How does this passage help you deal with the “what ifs” that are introduced to our everyday mind? Be thou my vision… what image or moment from this passage might God want to take with you? How might these take away’s be practiced?

PRACTICES: (effort to walk down to the pool and wash out your eyes) 1- Start a fear-discernment conversation (thread) with a trusted friend. 2- Ask your spouse (a friend) for time to journal or pray through ways to face fear and Jesus simultaneously.  3 - Pray in this way… Jesus walking right up to and listening to you… his countenance toward you… he love toward you… his direction for you. 4- Listen to Max Lucado’s fearless parenting video?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Gs805PApcg&feature=share&fbclid=IwAR0VdxgKQL3JbXk4epmjyY5LHeHZGrZ8f_pT46Pj3Kj5xhQSBEgbrc5JWHY

PRAYER AS WE LEAVE: Hope Chapel Corporate Confession of Sin Worship Guide Jan. 28, 2018 p. 2 “Empty us now of gnawing dissatisfactions, of anxious imaginings, of fretful preoccupations, of nagging prejudices, of old scores to settle, and of the arrogance of being right.”